For many people, a pet is not “just an animal.” A pet is a companion, a source of comfort, and a steady presence during both the joyful and difficult moments in our lives. They are family, and when a beloved pet dies, the pain can feel overwhelming. And yet, many people hesitate to talk about it or feel they should “get over it” more quickly. But the truth is, the loss of a pet can be painful, and the grief that follows is real, valid, and deserving of care.

I often see clients minimize their pain after a pet’s death. They may say things like, “I know it was just a dog,” or “Other people have it worse.” But grief doesn’t work this way. It isn’t something to compare or measure. Instead, it reflects the depth of the love and connection you shared, and that bond can be very deep and intense in its own way.

Why Losing a Pet Can Hurt So Much

Pets are a part of our daily lives in ways we may not fully recognize until they are gone. They greet us at the door, sleep nearby, and offer affection without conditions or expectations. For many people, especially those who live alone or have experienced trauma, loss, or illness, a pet can be a primary source of emotional support.

From a mental health perspective, this bond is rooted in attachment. Pets provide safety, routine, and connection. These are three things our nervous systems rely on to feel stable. When that connection is suddenly gone, it can feel as though the ground beneath you has shifted. The depth of your grief reflects the depth of the relationship you shared. It’s a reflection of love, and not a sign of weakness or lack of resilience.

When a Pet Loss Brings Up Other Grief

Losing a pet can sometimes open the door to past grievances. It may stir memories of previous losses, breakups, or times when you felt alone or vulnerable. For some, a pet represents a sense of purpose or stability during a difficult chapter of life, and when they’re gone, it can feel like losing more than one thing at once.

If your grief feels bigger than you expected, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means your loss is layered, and that is a very human experience.

Grief Doesn’t Follow Rules or Timelines

That there is no “right” way to grieve a pet. You may feel deep sadness, emptiness, anger, numbness, or even moments of relief, especially if your pet was sick or in pain. These feelings can come in waves, and can sometimes be triggered by small reminders like seeing their empty food bowl or their leash hanging by the door.

It’s important to remember that grief is not a linear process. Both good days and hard days can exist side by side, and if you have hints of feeling joy again, this does not mean you loved your pet any less, just as feeling intense grief weeks or months after the passing of your pet does not mean you are “stuck.”

The Weight of Guilt and “What Ifs”

Many people struggle with guilt after losing a pet, particularly if euthanasia was involved. Thoughts like “Did I wait too long?” or “Did I act too soon?” are incredibly common. As painful as these thoughts are, they usually come from a place of love.

Most pet-related decisions are made with care, compassion, and the best information available at the time. Holding yourself to a standard of perfection in hindsight only adds to the pain. Grief asks for you to be gentle and kind to yourself.

Give Yourself Permission to Mourn

You are allowed to mourn your pet in ways that feel meaningful to you. This might include creating a small memorial, writing a letter, keeping photos nearby, or maintaining a routine that reminds you of them. Some people find comfort in talking about their pet often, while others prefer quiet reflection, and both are okay. Not everyone will understand the depth of your loss, and although that can be painful, it cannot take away from how real your experience was.

When to Reach Out for Support

Grieving alone can feel isolating. Reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, psychiatric nurse practitioner, or support group can help you feel less alone in your pain. If your grief begins to interfere with sleep, work, or daily functioning, or if you feel overwhelmed for long periods of time, additional support can be especially helpful.

As both a psych NP and a cat mom, I often remind clients that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a form of self-care. Your grief exists because love existed first. The bond you shared with your pet mattered, and so does the pain of losing them. There is no deadline for healing, only permission to move forward at your own pace. Grief is not something to “get over.” Instead, it is something to gently move through, one day at a time.