How to Manage Family Overdose During The Holidays
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire and the stereo blasting Michael Bublé’s Christmas songs. That’s what the holidays are all about, right? But this time of the year also brings about one of the main concerns for any set of individuals stuck inside for any length of time: family overdose. So how do you deal with difficult family members during this supposedly happy time? We have a few tips that may help you deal with family overdose during these happy - albeit difficult - times.
The Holidays and Family
But why is dealing with our family so tiring? Shouldn’t we be able to enjoy this season? Why, oh, why, can’t we just be friends? Or at least socially functional family members?
“The holidays accentuate both the best and the worst in life. They are a time of increased focus on family, friends and social interaction. The season encourages us to turn our thoughts toward appreciation, generosity and compassion, as tradition and fond childhood memories bring joy to our hearts. Yet, the holidays are also a time of increased stress, chaotic schedules, and potential financial recklessness. Unrealistic expectations and unfulfilled fantasies can outweigh the positive qualities that the season brings out in us.”
Rita Milios, writer at Recovery.org
The main problem with holiday stress lies mainly on expectations. According to Turning Point Centers, “many people associate the holidays with dreamy, happy scenes of ease. [...] In fact, the holidays can be a time of tensions, sadness, and overindulgent behavior that is later regretted.” When you only take happy Christmas movies as a reference, it’s often easy to forget that real life isn’t perfectly framed or doesn’t always have a happy ending. Life is hard, dealing with relatives is harder, and end-of-year expectations are extremely hard.
“On the flip side, family visits that are common during the season tend to stir up both memories and habits from the past, many of which may be dysfunctional rather than joyous.”
Rita Milios, writer at Recovery.org
It’s also common to only remember the good things from the past and forget about how things actually went down in the past. You may think this Christmas is going to be good because you forgot that last year you got into a horrible fight with your sister or ended up crying in the bathroom. A Scripps Health article on mental health states that “while family celebrations are traditionally cheerful occasions filled with love and laughter, many people find these annual reunions stressful. Personality clashes, conflicts that seem to surface every year and relatives who are simply unpleasant can certainly put a damper on the festivities.” So how can you deal with your mother’s disapproving looks, your father’s tendency to nitpick your life decisions, or your sibling’s temper tantrums? We have a few helpful tips to deal with family overdose and keep your holidays chill, happy and as relaxing as possible.
How To Manage Family Overdose During The Holidays
Here are our 11 tips to manage family overdose during the holidays.
1. Manage Your Expectations
As amazing it would be that aunt Karen didn’t point out that you gained a few pounds during quarantine, or that uncle Robert didn’t get too excited with the fire whisky this year… it’s probably too much to expect. Having realistic expectations will help you deal better with stressful family interactions. Managing your expectations will help you be prepared to deal with the holidays.
2. Set Boundaries
You decide just how much is too much. Plan ahead to what will make you feel more comfortable. For example, would you rather depend on someone else for moving around or would you feel better renting a car? Decide all of this beforehand to avoid unnecessary stress. Will you and your spouse stay in your mother-in-law’s home, or would you be happier in a cozy bed and breakfast located nearby? Reach of all these decisions beforehand and plan accordingly.
3. Minimize Contact
This is also part of setting boundaries. If you know you simply can’t deal with your aunt Karen’s comments or your brother’s attitude… walk away. Minimizing contact is a surefire way to avoiding a big case of family overdose.
4. Take Some Time To Yourself
Although you may not see your family the rest of the year, that doesn’t mean that you need to be together 24/7. Taking some time to yourself will help you maintain focus and retain the mental balance you need to deal with any stressful family situation.
5. Don’t Overthink It
Don’t get stressed thinking about how a certain gathering is going to be stressful before it even happens. You’ll only increase your anxiety, making you more likely to make a bad situation worse. Dr. Thomas C. Lian, a psychiatrist and behavioral health medical director at Scripps Health, recommends taking some time before the event to “do something relaxing such as practicing yoga or listening to music.”
6. Inhale & Exhale
Once. Twice. Ten times. Deep breathing has been proven to help reduce stress, so take advantage of that. If an annoying comment during dinner is about to make you lose your mind (or run your mouth), close your eyes and breathe deeply. Once you’ve done this, you’ll probably feel slightly better to let the comment slide off without creating any scarring memories.
7. Check Yourself
The only thing that you can control during an argument or a stressful holiday situation is how you react. You can’t control what others will say to you… but you can control how you decide to feel. Don’t let anyone get to you. Change the topic tactfully with a “let’s not talk about that right now”. And then brush it off, get some eggnog, and continue to enjoy the holidays.
8. Lay Off The Drinks
Alcohol is a great inhibitor. And enjoying a delicious holiday drink - or two, or three - may sound like the best thing for you right now. But this also means that you will be less likely to control aggressive or argumentative responses. Try not to drink too much and, like we said before, avoid dear uncle Robert and his fire whisky.
9. Do Something Else
It’s hard to get angry when you’re doing something fun. Watch a movie, finish a puzzle, read a book, or dance in your living room… whatever takes your mind off of things. You’re less likely to get stressed out from family overdose if you’re doing something you love.
10. Practice Gratitude And Tolerance
Yes, your family might be a lot to handle. But be grateful for what you have: a family that cares about you (even if it seems like too much right now), a delicious dinner, cozy home, a friend, or a snowy morning. And while you’re at it, practice tolerance, too. We all do things that annoy others. Try to put yourself in other people’s shoes and don’t take anything personally.
11. Speak To a Professional
Talking to someone who isn’t a family member can help you deal with holiday stress and family overdose. And don’t worry about having to travel in snowy weather - you can get things off your mind through online therapy. With Lavender, you can work to overcome family overdose with accessible & professional help. The best part is that how you pay for your sessions is up to you: we take many forms of insurance or you can choose to private pay as well. The point is that you decide what fits you best to deal with your holiday family overdose.
We hope these 11 tips help you deal with family overdose and let you enjoy the holiday season to the maximum. If you want more help or wish to talk to someone, you can learn more about our services here.