The Mental Load of Motherhood
We often know about the physical load of motherhood/parenting such as doing housework, working, balancing taking care of the kids, extra curricular activities etc.
But what is often overlooked is the mental load that comes with motherhood and the effect that can have on mental health.
Mother’s most often take on the role of managing the families emotional wellbeing as well, making sure everyone is regulated and happy. Not only are you partaking in the physical tasks but you become the project manager of these tasks. This invisible labor that goes into managing a household and family can be exhausting, frustrating and a number of other feelings that are completely valid.
Societal expectations of mother’s have also changed, traditionally mothers were expected to stay home and manage the household. Now as times have changed mothers and women have full time careers and jobs but that societal expectation of doing the majority of childcare and housework remains. Moms are literal super heroes when it comes to multitasking but doing it all can be overwhelming and can cause burnout.
Communicate with your support system
First of all you are doing amazing as a mom! Some extra communication can help you vent or voice the feelings you have been experiencing. Sit down and have an engaged conversation about this with your support system. Sometimes going through and staying on top of life takes away from having a meaningful conversation. Even saying your feelings out loud and having others listen can take a weight off your shoulders.
Divide not only tasks but planning and management
Even if you have a clear division and equality of tasks, taking on the management or delegation of those should be clear and equal as well. Explaining that you don’t want to make a list or you don’t want to think about what needs to be done can help. Ask your support system to look around and see what needs to be taken care of. Divide and conquer without the extra emotional labor.
Reduce expectations/comparisons
Give yourself some grace when it comes to tasks that can wait. The dishes can wait, the house might be messy but if it gives you that small extra time to take a break, do it. Comparison culture especially with moms on social media can sometimes put extra pressure on what motherhood should look like for you. There is no aesthetic way that motherhood should be, society creates all kinds of versions of this but it should be what is right for you and your family. If you need to turn off some of the perfect mommy bloggers thats totally okay, social media does not tell all sides of the story!
Take time for yourself
This one can be hard especially if your whole day is consumed. But even if it’s only a short amount of time at the beginning or end of the day, take time for yourself. It could be 10 minutes to start and maybe you can build it up over time. Finding small joy for yourself throughout the day can be a nice reminder to slow down and live in the moment. If you even acknowledge that you missed out on taking time for yourself you are already being kinder by being aware for yourself. Somedays it will happen, somedays it won’t!
Reach out for help
Even if it feels like you are struggling, know you are doing great and you are not alone! If your strategies are no longer working and you are feeling burnout and at your end, reach out for help. Sometimes we need someone to take care of us in the times when we do everything to take care of others around us.
