Staying on the “Nice List”: Handling Family Conflict During the Holidays
The holidays are a time for gathering with loved ones, sharing laughs, and creating memories. But sometimes, they can also bring a little tension to the table. Picture this: you’re sitting down to a delicious holiday meal, soaking in the warmth of being surrounded by family, when suddenly, a controversial topic pops up. Maybe it’s politics or just that one relative who loves to stir the pot. Or maybe the issue isn’t a single conversation but a situation that turned confrontational. Either way, it brings up tension and those awkward silences. What do you do in these scenarios? Here are some tips to keep things merry and bright when it comes to family conflicts during holiday get-togethers.
1. Change the Subject
If you sense a conversation will quickly turn into drama, it might be time to choose another topic altogether. Sometimes the easiest way to handle a sticky situation is to not give it more attention. Instead, bring up something neutral or positive and uplifting, like suggesting watching a holiday movie. That said, if someone’s trying to share their perspective, be sure to listen with an open mind before switching topics. Balancing kindness with tact can go a long way in keeping things peaceful.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries
Before heading into any family event, take a moment to think about what you’re comfortable with. How much time do you want to spend there? What’s your plan if things get heated? Boundaries aren’t about being rigid—they’re about protecting your energy and prioritizing your well-being. If you know a situation could get uncomfortable, plan an exit strategy, whether that’s stepping into another room for a breather or sitting next to a relative who is part of your safe space.
3. Tell Positive Stories
Nothing brings people together like shared memories. Instead of talking about those tough topics, take a trip down memory lane. Bring along old photo albums, videos, or even a few funny stories from your childhood. Laughter can be the perfect remedy for tension, reminding everyone of the good times you’ve shared and the bonds those memories created.
4. Set Realistic Expectations
No family is perfect. Sometimes conflict feels inevitable, especially if past gatherings have been less than cheerful. But here’s the thing—acknowledging the imperfections can actually help. Go into the holiday season with a mindset of peace and acceptance. Focus on what you can control: your reactions, your outlook, and your ability to find the good in each moment. If you’ve noticed positive changes in someone else (or yourself), lean into that. Growth deserves to be celebrated, even if it’s subtle.
5. Share Compliments
How do you instantly shift the vibe in a room? Compliment a person! If things feel tense, take a moment to tell someone what you love about them. Focusing on the positives can help defuse conflict and remind everyone why you’re together with each other during the holidays in the first place—to love and build on your connection.
The holidays are about coming together, but that doesn’t mean everything will always go smoothly, and that’s okay. With a little preparation and a lot of empathy, you can stay on the “Nice List” and make your holiday family gatherings ones to remember.